Some time ago I attended an authentic movement workshop and it was a powerful, moving experience, largely because I let it be. The beautiful environment with its reassurance of safety and judgelessness, and the guidance and structure of the workshop were all wonderful, but if you’re gonna get in your own way and decide to sit with your walls up, then you’re not going to help move the emotions through and get anywhere, right? So I decided that I was going to offer myself up and move as I felt compelled to move, and not worry about what it might look like. That’s rather the point of such a practice. Not that I didn’t feel resistance in myself: I held back on the noises-front and would love to become freer with that one, but decided that a practice devoted to free movement meant that movement was the place to start. And so that was what I opened myself up to. And in opening up and moving freely, I saw some lovely images drift into my mind’s eye. The one that I ended up painting afterward is this simple image:
I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with a lot of changes in my life at the time, and there was a lot of sadness and fear with some of those changes, and as I lay on the floor in this workshop with tears sliding into my hair in sweet release, it was this image I was seeing.
It is the kernel of strength in the centre of my sadness. It is the untouchable seed that is forever ready to explode with potential. It is what is solid at my core and the sadness around it is merely the situation, the context, NOT the actual centre of myself. However close that swirling blue sea may come, that kernel of strength emits such a buffer of light that it is protected and – I know – ever-present.
And there is such a seed at the centre of everyone. I know mine is there because I can feel it: I’ve tested it and rubbed up against it enough times that its reality has been reminded to me time and again. And it is so good to know that it is there. But others may not have felt it before – perhaps have not had to find out, and both can be good things in their way. But however poised and polished we try to be, at the end of the day we are tough, scrappy, beautiful animals, hell-bent on surviving, and we are made of some strong shit.
If you feel like you’re drowning in work, obligations, fear, sadness, or whatever else, please allow me to remind you that you are stronger than you think you are, and that you have a kernel of strength at the centre of everything – untouched by all else – and it is inextinguishable, unsmashable, and undrownable. Always.